Saturday, March 19, 2011
Well this week I spent 2 days at the hospital and 1 day at the dr's and 2 days getting test done. So I am tired and sore and mentally worn out. I had a little flare-up with the fibro and my pancreatitis. Found out that I have gastritis and a hiatal hernia and I have a kidney stone in my right kidney. So like I have said it's been a long week. Still have more test to do and have to change my diet and raise the head of my bed to help relieve my stomach. Oh and of course I have new meds, go figure. My stomach is bloated and I can't fit in my clothes so I walk around in pj's or sweat pants. Was really hoping that this year would give my health a little break but I guess not. Not to sure about the new stuff I have to need to do research on it all so I can try to fix and or live with it all. So if you are reading this and you know something about any of this please let me know. I hope everyone else had a better week and no matter how this week went that next week will be better.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Well yesterday I was in the hospital for my fibromyalgia because the pain was so bad. Of course not much was done other then a pain shot that didn't work. I can't take Morphine as I am allergic to it so they give me a shot which usually works just not yesterday as the pain was so bad. They did give me some other meds to help with the pain so hopefully between the combination something will work. I haven't had a flare-up like this in awhile. I had my mother take me to the hospital and you would think that since I have had this horrible illness since 2001 and I have lived with her most of the time that she of all people would understand. I was so wrong, I felt that I was such a bother to her. I took a nap when I got home and when I got up I wanted to eat so I could take more meds so I asked her to make me a sandwich and she got mad. I started to cry because of so many emotions and the pain and disbelieve of her actions. Her response to me crying was to tell me I had no reason to be a ball baby. I feel it from so many others all the time that they just don't believe me even if I am almost in tears for the pain is so bad. I just don't understand how people can be like that. I have lost a lot of friends from this illness because I just ain't as much fun anymore. I can't do all the stuff I use to be able to do. I'm not dependable when it comes to keeping dates due to not knowing how I am going to be feeling from one day to the next. I so wish that I had never heard of this illness but now that I have I so hope and pray that they will find a cure right away. I just want people to understand that the pain is real and we have feelings and at times we need help or a shoulder to just cry on. Having this illness for 10 yrs now I still don't understand it all so I can't expect that those around me understand it neither but people need to get more educated whether they get on the internet or talk to others about it. Family and friends of those who have this need to be more understanding. Please if you know someone who has this please learn as much as you can about this illness so you can help them and others.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
I use to think I was a very positive person and I guess in someways I am, but not today. I hate having fibromyalgia and I hate being in pain and today is my day to complain. I just tired of being tired and sick. My body hurts from head to toe and I have no energy whats so ever. I could just curl up in a ball and cry. My daughter is up in her room because she says I am boring and she hates to see me like this. So then I feel guilty about something I have no control over, my health. I know that depression is a big thing with fibro and right now its winning. I don't know how to be in a better mood when my body feels like it does. People tell me all the time that they have been healed by this and that so I try it to see. I spend a lot of money and nothing works. I take my meds and try to do all that the dr's tell me to do but nothing. I am just lost in this rotten illness right now. I should be use to it by now since I was diagnosed in 2001 but I still get them days like today. I can only hope and pray that tomorrow will be a better day then today. That tomorrow will have less pain then today. That tomorrow will be a day where I can get up and take care of my child and my house. I don't ask no one to feel sorry for me just to pray for me. This is my life and something I have to deal with and I guess it just helps to write it down or to tell someone. Thanks for listening to me!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Today is not one of my better days as my body says leave me alone. My body aches all over and I have two bad knees that are killing me. I have had a lot of pain in my life and a lot of surgeries also. I have found out that there is nothing like having fibromyalgia as it isn't about being in pain right now, its the fact that your in pain all the time. Sometimes the pain is just more intense then other times. I exercise when I can but with both knees messed up that is hard to do. I try to stay away from stress but we all know that you can't stay away from all of it. Today is one of them days where the weather is a big factor. It is wet and cold outside and that just makes it where I don't even want to go outside. I do use a wheelchair at times and if the pain gets much worse I can see myself in it. I try to keep a positive attitude but days like today it is very hard to do. I believe that God will never give me more then I can handle, even though I think sometimes that I can't take it. So I will say another prayer for a better day tomorrow. As for the others out there who have fibromyalgia I send soft hugs.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
My name is Penny Beall and I have fibromyalgia. I was one of the lucky ones and found a great doctor right away and he diagnosed me in 2001. I had never even heard of it before and it even took me awhile to be able to pronounce it right. Having fms as it is called in short has been really hard for me and those around me. Fms is one of them things that affects everyone around you. I have lost most of my friends because they don't understand all that it does to ones body. I learned most of what I could off the internet and even tried going to meetings but they were depressing. They say that stress is a big factor and you should try to avoid it. But to tell you the truth I don't know anyone that goes and looks for stress, so how do you avoid it? The weather can affect it also and that is another thing you can't control so far I feel like there isn't much I have control of. There are so many things that run with this illness that I can't keep up with everything that is wrong with me. I am always at the doctors and always having some test done to find out that it is just part of my fms, just now I am having new symptoms. I guess the worst part is not knowing from day to day how your going to be feeling. I can't ever make plans because my body now decides how much I do and when I do it. I use to be pretty active and my weight was never an issue but now I can't seem to keep it under control. My family has had to help me so much that sometimes I just feel such a burden. I at times have to use a wheelchair, walker or cane and I am only 40 yrs old. If you were to look at me you wouldn't think that there is anything wrong with me and that makes people not believe. Then there is what they call fibro-fog, that is where your memory just up and leaves you. I forget stuff all the time like why I got up, where I parked my car, did I take my meds and at times I argue with people because I just don't remember them telling me stuff. Don't get me wrong I really am not whining I am just trying to get the word out that this is real and there are a lot of people that have it. I am considered disabled because mine can get so bad but others might not have it as bad as mine. I try to stay focused on the positive and stay away from as much stress as I can and the people who cause it. If you know of someone who has this try to offer a hand, ask them if they need help of just want a friend to let them vent on. I know I could use one or two more.